New year, new chapter

And just like that, my single girl era has begun. If you read my end of year blog post, you may remember that I said that I'd kind of achieved my 2023 New Years resolution to 'recommit to sorting the house out', but in a different way than I first imagined. Well, when I first wrote it, I imagined that I would be continuing to sort out the house that Ollie and I shared. But at the back end of last year, Ollie and I broke up and so my commitment to sorting out a house meant finding and buying a new one (curveball). 

I also shared in my end of year blog post that I had gone through a lot of emotional turmoil in 2023 and that it had been a really hard year. I heavily debated how much of that turmoil I wanted to share here, as I think it's very unchic to air your dirty laundry in public. Plus I've always believed that no one knows or understands a relationship besides the two people in it, and I wasn't sure how heavily to protect and live by that belief. However, I came to the conclusion that my blog has always been a source of truth for my life; it's my space and I find writing to be an amazing outlet for sharing my thoughts, opinions and feelings (even the ones that no one asked for). I've shared most other things here after all, and since Ollie has featured so heavily for so many years, I thought it would feel weirder for that to just stop without acknowledgement.

When Ollie and I took a break last summer, it was to figure out if we still wanted to be together, despite our challenges. Given that our break only lasted 6 weeks in which we were still talking and seeing each other the whole time, we figured out that we did. Side note: biggest fail at taking a break ever, we might as well have called it a fracture. But after a lot of things came to light and a lot of things happened, this past year was a real struggle. And it became a question not of whether we wanted to be together, but whether or not we could be. Unfortunately, the answer was that we couldn't.

I've never been a romantic. I don't believe that love conquers all, I don't believe that two people who love each other are meant to be together forever, and I don't believe that all relationships can withstand the storm just as long as you put the work in. Instead, I believe that love fades, that compatibility is more important than devotion, and that forever is a concept clung onto by dreamers. All those rom-coms I watch clearly aren't working their intended magic on me! This isn't my break-up making me cynical either; it's what I've always believed and one of my favourite quotes is the Oscar Wilde one that says "they spoil every romance in trying to make it last forever". 

So our forever ended up being just over 4 years. The difficult thing with our relationship is that it was always good in the day-to-day. The shared life Ollie and I had created (our house, our holidays, our in-jokes) was one that made me happy in the present, so it was easy to ignore the fact that neither of us could see a future anymore. If we'd been brutally honest with ourselves, we could've called it 6 months earlier, but I don't regret hanging on for as long as I did. Not only did we make a lot of additional lovely memories in that time, but it also means that I know. I know for definite that we aren't right for each other anymore, that I gave it my all and I don't have to live my life with 'what ifs'.

But it isn't all doom and gloom. If you've been here before, you'll know I'm a fatalist. It brings me a lot of peace to believe that everything in my life has happened exactly as it was always supposed to. I believe that me and Ollie were meant to be. And now we're meant to be apart. 

(Those carpet marks say 'jenni woz ere' - new dressing room pending!)

Try not to feel too sorry for me though won't you. All endings are also beginnings, after all. So while this 4 year chapter of my life is closing, it means that a new and exciting one is starting. New hobbies, new adventures, and a new house! Going back to my New Year's resolution of 2023 to 'recommit to sorting the house out' and my deliciously cryptic summary in my end of year blog post, I can now share that I've officially done it. I've bought a house! Obviously it was a little weird still living together while waiting for the sale to go through but we made it through co-habiting as exes without killing each other. We've actually been lucky in that we managed to end things super amicably, to the point that Ollie even helped me to move into my new house (the third time he's helped me move house). Third times the charm!

I'm super excited to start decorating and since I'm back to solo home owning, it'll be back to my way or the highway on the decorating front (as if it was ever really anything else anyway). Naturally a before-and-after style blog post will follow in a little while so you can see what I've done with the place, but for now it's back to painting, pinteresting and a little prosecco to celebrate.