10 things that all women should stop doing

Every year for International Women's Day, I like to do an honorary blog post about another aspect of feminism or womanhood that are important to me. I've written about women who inspire me, what international women's day means to me and all the fabulous reasons why I love being a woman. I feel like the older I get, the more of a fierce feminist I become. If you go back to my 2018 women's day blog post, you'll see I didn't really describe myself as a feminist back then. I mistakenly thought that feminism had come far enough and we could all cruise along from that point forward (in the UK). But the more I experience in life, the more I see how far we still have to go. The gender pay gap, the different ways we describe the same personality traits in men and women, the unbalanced views on house-running and child-rearing - the list goes on. But these annual blog posts are all about empowerment and positivity so I digress. I recently wrote a blog post about the things that all women should do before turning 25. This time, I'm flipping it on its head and looking at all of the things that we women should stop doing. 

Stop apologising

Obviously I'm not suggesting we all turn into raging maniacs who don't say sorry if they bump into someone or if they hurt someone's feelings. But women (a lot more so than men) have a tendency to over apologise; to beat themselves up for their mistakes or to apologise to make the other party feel better (rather than because it's necessarily their fault). Learn when it's the time to take accountability and apologise, and when it's just not needed.

Stop comparing yourself

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Comparison is the robbery of joy. Say it louder for the people in the back. COMPARISON IS THE ROBBERY OF JOY. The second you start to compare yourself to other people, you've already lost. Because you will always find someone more attractive, more intelligent, and more successful than you. Women in particular are encouraged to pit themselves against other women; tabloids, social media, the beauty industry. All of it makes you think you need to be something other. Like the viral photo of Kendall Jenner from Valentine's day. The amount of people I saw posting that photo along the lines of 'I wish I looked like her' made me tear hair out in frustration. There is no need to compare! The sooner that women can look at photos of other women and see them for exactly what they are, and not as all the things they're not, the happier we'll all be. I mean, just imagine how crazy we'd find it if men started posting photos of other attractive men with captions like 'diet starts now' or 'kill me x'.

Stop answering questions about your personal life that you're uncomfortable with

The one that really infuriates me is the question about having children. I don't really understand why people feel so entitled to other people's personal lives that they feel they deserve an answer to the question 'when are you having children'. Obviously, the dream takeaway here would be for people to stop ASKING such a stupid question (if you're one of those people then it's the naughty corner for you). But that's probably a bigger beast than we can tackle for right now. For right now, let's all just stop answering! Your body and your private life is nobody's business but your own.

Stop believing that you can't have it all

Once upon a time, a woman was the child-bearer and the house-keeper and a man was the land-owner and the bread-winner and the vote-caster (all the good stuff basically). As time goes on, the parts previously kept exclusively for men are now available to us ladies too. And yet, we're made to feel like we have to choose between them. A family or a career. But there are women all over the world that are proving that we really can have it all (including my mum). As a woman, you should stop believing that anything is out of reach and just shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you might just land among the stars.

Stop being sex-negative

The sex side of feminism is probably the part that I feel the most strongly about. The way that men get congratulated for a lot of sexual partners but women get shamed for it lights a fire inside me like you wouldn't believe. As women, we should be embracing our own sexuality and stop acting like we're still in the Victorian era - the sooner that female masturbation becomes as normal a topic as male masturbation, the better. We should also be empowering the women around us to do the same, which means no sex shaming on either end of the spectrum. Had loads of sexual partners to the point that you've lost count and don't know some of their names? Good for you! Had zero sexual partners and are saving yourself for The One? Good for you too!

Stop allowing yourself to be put in a box

We've all watched Sex and the City and gossiped about whether you're more of "a Carrie" or more of "a Miranda" (FYI, I'm a Samantha, as you can probably guess). As women, we often feel pressured to be one thing or the other, rather than accepting that we can be anything we want. I'm a woman who enjoys her femininity; I like fashion and makeup and drinking girly cocktails and taking photos of all my food. It'd be easy to even consider me a cliché if you consider only that aspect of my personality. On the flip side, I also like doing high adrenaline sporting activities, reading, doing DIY and my favourite subject at school was maths. I can do, be and think anything that I want to - and I think therefore I am.

Stop criticising your body

Nobody likes wasting their own time and nobody is perfect. Perfection is a fantasy and there are parts of all of us that we like the least. So stop wasting your own time on criticising yourself and feeling bad about it. Let's face it, no person has ever reached a ripe old age and wished they'd spent more time worrying or obsessing about their body.

Stop being afraid 

Where men are called assertive, women are called bossy. Where men are called confident, women are accused of loving themselves. Where men are called bold, women are called bitches. Look closely and you'll see that the exact same behaviours in men are praised while they're condemned in women. As a result, women often avoid certain behaviours, for not wanting to seem difficult, or high maintenance, or crazy. Well I say fuck that. Voice your opinions, go after the things that you want, swim against the tide and never lower your standards or settle for anything less. Even if you tiptoe through life, people will still form opinions about you. So stop being scared and just do whatever the hell you want to.

Stop dragging other women down

It's easy to assume that because men have historically been the oppressor against women, that they're the only remaining oppressor. Actually, it seems that it's often women keeping other women down. Judgements about sex? Largely, women against women. Judgements about bodies and looks? Largely, women against women. Do you know how suffrage for women was finally won? The suffragists (petitions, marches and swaying powerful men) and the suffragettes (chaining themselves to parliament buildings, burning their bras and throwing themselves in front of horses) worked together. However different we are, us girls need to stick together and remember that we're far more powerful when we do.

Stop worrying

I've always believed worrying to be a truly pointless endeavour. If you worry about something and it doesn't happen, you worried for no reason. If you worry about something and it does happen, your worrying changed nothing. So just live and let live, I say. Women apparently worry nearly twice as much as men, and it's time to stop and just enjoy the ride. So enjoy International Women's Day, enjoy all the amazing women in your life and enjoy being a bad-ass woman in an ever-changing world. We've got this!