A letter to my younger self

Dear Jenni,

Right now, you are 14 years old and are right on the edge of everything happening. You're not a girl anymore, but not yet a woman either (as Britney Spears once said). Things can be confusing and exciting; sometimes you wish your life would speed up to get to all the good parts, and other times it feels like it's all happening too quickly and you want nothing more than to slow it down. But have a little faith, because everything happens for a reason and you'll end up where you're meant to be (as you believe now, and will continue to do, for the foreseeable future). But from a slightly-wiser-woman to a not-quite-there-yet teen, let me tell you a few things that it's important to remember.

Listen to your mum. She may get on your nerves and you may clash a lot as you go through your terrible teens and she starts to go through the change (all those hormones in one household were never going to end in peace and serenity). But she's right about everything, seriously. Listen to her when she says that certain boys are no good. Listen to her when she advises you against denim shorts, long white socks and black heels (rather than snap at her for being so uncool). Listen to her when she thinks that certain friends won't be there for you through thick and thin; she always spots the fake ones before you do. Listen to all of her advice but don't just blindly take all of it; you still have to live your own life and make your own mistakes.

Don't dumb yourself down. You're smart, you're good at maths and you enjoy learning new things. Right now, you're worrying that maybe boys won't like you for being in top sets in everything and you'd much rather drop down a set or two to be with your friends. But you're at a point when you see your friends more often than you will at any other time in your life (every lesson, every break, every walk to and from school, and every weekend too). Never pretend that you don't know the answer to a question when you do; work as hard as you can at school. Don't risk your future over the next two years in the interest of impressing boys and looking cool. As you go through life, you'll learn that being smart will get you far.

Follow your passion. School will suddenly start to put a lot of pressure on you to excel in the areas that they want you to, and to choose your next step based on what best fits their agenda (bramcote hills college will be rammed down your throat for months). Don't choose college based on where your friends are going or what your parents want for you. Trust your instincts, figure out what it is that you love and make a decision based on that. Try not to worry about the rest of your life yet; there's plenty of time to worry about that later on.

Don't wear short shorts. I know that right now you think that high waisted denim shorts cut right up to your bum is a sexy look but it's seriously not. Batty riders have never looked good on anyone. Ditch them and get a pair that actually cover all the parts that they should. Seriously, your future self will thank you for it when looking back at old photos.

Spend time with your family. Yes, it can be more tempting to stay out all night, drinking on parks with your friends. But don't you see? You don't have forever with your grandparents. Life is short and it goes by so quickly. You truly never know how long left you have with people so be sure to make the most of it while you can.

Put the mousse foundation down. I mean, you will soon put the foundation down altogether because it's overly expensive and you already spend too long on your eye makeup in the mornings to waste any more time on foundation. But particularly the dream matte mousse one - just throw it away. And actually, while we're speaking about makeup. Dial the eyeliner wings back a little (or a lot) and don't put so much mascara on that you end up with about 8 clumpy eyelashes. Less is more in this case. Apart from with eyebrows. You could use a bit more there.

It's true that boys being mean to you means they like you, but it doesn't mean they respect you. It's something we're all told from a young age - that boys are mean to us because they like us. And it can often be true. Boys who like you (immature, 14 year old boys that is) can often tease you or be mean. But don't let this mindset follow you into your young adult life. If a boy isn't treating you right or is being rude, don't keep telling yourself that it's because he likes you. There comes an age when everyone should know better and you need to only deal with guys who not only like you, but respect you too.

You don't need to be ashamed or secretive about who you are. When you're at school, everything is such a massive deal. If someone says a word that you don't know, you have to pretend you know what it means. If someone finds out a song that you like and says that they don't, you have to pretend you actually don't either. And if someone asks why you've been off for so long over summer, you have to lie or avoid the question instead of telling them you were ill in hospital, at the risk of people thinking you're different or making fun of you. But you are different. Everyone is. If someone says a word you don't know, ask them what it means. If you like a song that's not cool, embrace your weird music taste. And if someone responds negatively to you being ill then it says more about them than it does about you. Don't hide who you are, and don't ever be afraid to be yourself. That goes to everyone.

Learn to love yourself. It's easier said than done and it takes time. But know that in a few years, you'll be there. Don't compare yourself to other girls your age or to celebrities or other women in the public eye. Focus only on yourself and remember that there will be parts of yourself you'll love and parts you won't like. But that's okay. We're all in this together; everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. We all just need to love ourselves a bit more.

Get rid of the sweeping fringe. It's neither practical nor a good look. You'll spend half your life with your head on your side, sweeping your damn fringe back across, and don't even get me started on when it's windy. I know you think that you need a fringe because you have a big forehead but you're actually wrong. You (or we) have a big head, but our forehead is entirely proportionate. Ditch the fringe altogether - you'll be glad you did once you start going on sunny holidays with your mates and hot nights out.

Make the most of school. People say they're the best days of your life though I don't know that I'd agree. You have no money, no independence and you're dealing with peer pressure, life decisions and lots of exams. Compare that to years later when you'll be working, enjoying nights out, travelling the world and able to buy new clothes whenever you want, and school doesn't match up at all. But it is a time that's carefree and when you can have fun all the time and when you're able to make mistakes without real consequences. Make the most of it. Realise how easy 9am-3pm is while you're there and appreciate all that time you get to spend with your friends before jobs and lives get in the way. And make the most of prom. Don't just spend time with your friends (they still won't have gone anywhere 8 years later), spend time with people you'll likely never see again. Prom probably won't be the best night of your entire life, but it's certainly a lot of fun.

Don't get dragged down in the pettiness. Other people may be having facebook arguments and sending nasty notes around classrooms. But just don't get involved. Whether you think you're sticking up for a friend or not; just stay out of the pettiness entirely. Some of the people involved in all that will never get out of it; they'll still be airing their dirty laundry over facebook at 25 years old. Don't get sucked in and bear in mind that not all friends are forever.

You're never as fat as you think you are. At 14, when you start to go from girl to woman, it can cause a mild case of body dysmorphia. Largely brought on by the pill you've just started on, you'll have curves where you didn't before and your naive young brain will think that translates to being fat. Believe me when I say that it doesn't. Trust me, you will get fatter than you are right now so enjoy the skinniness while you can. I certainly still maintain this mindset. At 22, I'm sure that at some point in the future, I'll be wishing I had the body I have right now. So I don't get too hung up on it. You're never as fat as you think you are and life is too beautiful a thing to spend your time worrying.

Love from,

Your future self x